McBurns

I almost feel bad for John McCain. Last night was the poorest performance from an elected official since Arnold Schwarzenegger's appearance on Monday Night Football a few years back. And, while both were filled with laughs, this is a man who could potentially be our next president. If I didn't think he was completely delusional I would say he's mailing it in. As one comment I read this morning put it, "It was like watching JFK debating Mr. Burns."

McCain was awkward, creepy, robotic, constantly teetering back and forth, at times getting so close to the audience members that they could actually smell his Brylcreem. But he still looked unsure if he should hold eye contact with those who asked the question. He made some absolute groaners in his lame attempts at humor, hoping to "connect" with the average American. Er, um, Joooooooe Sixpack.

McCain might not have looked so bad if it wasn't for his smooth-operating opponent, Barack Obama, who was graceful, engaging, and laid out his plans clearly and passionately. McCain looked like a robot on batteries that were quickly running out of juice. Generic batteries. That were made in China. By underpaid workers in a factory full of outsourced jobs. Barack was running on renewable energy compared to McCain, who for the first time truly looked geriatric and completely out of touch.

It's tough to pick out any one favorite moment from a night filled with so much comedy, but perhaps the best was when Obama laid out exactly how McCain would attack him, using false claims and strawmen arguments that Obama specifically spelled out, then summarily defeated. So how does McBurns respond? By using those exact same lines, not two minutes after Obama said them! It was like watching the '86 Bears against the 2006 Raiders. If Al Davis were coaching the Raiders. And the Bears had stolen the playbook.

Last night was the final blow in a sorry, sad campaign whose wheels have been falling off for some time now and is now grasping at straws with their negativity and mud-slinging. John McCain is going to lose this election and it's probably not going to even be close. Maybe not Reagan-Mondale, but it's looking like a landslide at this point. McCain has sold his soul to the same party that smeared him in 2000 and put his White House ambitions in front of the good of the country. I once held a high opinion of the man, and while I still applaud his service to our country, I hope that he goes out quietly while managing to keep intact the last few remaining shreds of dignity he has.