So I saw Clerks II...

My first thought when I saw the link to the Clerks II trailer was “Who in their right mind greenlighted this piece of shit?” Of course, that’s a silly question, as the film is guaranteed to make $100M at the box office. Perhaps that thought should be amended to say, “What the fuck happened to Kevin Smith, that once-promising filmmaker who has slowly evolved into an embarrassment.”

Well, in order to criticize a movie you have to actually see it, so I went last night. I wanted to buy a ticket to a different movie, but I didn’t feel right giving Disney even more money for Pirates of the Caribbean, so I went with the Clerks II ticket.

Very few sequels accomplish anything other than leaving a bad taste in the audience’s mouth, and this film looked to be nothing more than a desperate attempt to rejuvenate the career of a filmmaker whose best days are behind him.

The predominant theme in Clerks II is how Dante, our protagonist, is always seemingly on the crest of the wave that is his new life. He’s always about to start something new and exciting, but his dead-end job and deadbeat friend, Randall, are holding him back, preventing him from getting on with his life. He’s 33 and has accomplished nothing. Having moved on from the Quick Stop convenience store, he’s now working the fryer at a fast food chain (the familiar Mooby’s from Dogma) and will be moving to Florida with his new fiancé, who is clearly out of his league, artificial, and controlling.

Unfortunately, this tale of stunted growth and arrested development is eerily similar to Smith’s career. In 1994 he brought us the film that put his name on the map, the original Clerks. It was fresh, raw, well-written, and while the performances left something to be desired, there was an appealing naivety to the actors, and it at least felt real. Dante was that 27-year old register jockey. Randall just didn’t give a fuck. They were authentic, and so was the look and feel of the 16mm black & white stock.

Smith seemingly had the film world at his fingertips. He went on to make several more films, and while they were funny (Mallrats in particular), none, save Dogma, presented us with anything new: he relied on his old schtick – complex and altogether-too-serious discussions about oral sex, Star Wars, and high school flings. Even Dogma, which represented the most distinct departure from Smith’s bread-and-butter dialogue-driven vehicles, had his trusty characters Jay and Silent Bob to play the Sherpa and Yeti, respectively, on our journey of enlightenment and Christianity-bashing.

Clerks II is the culmination of a filmmaker whose career has been stunted by its success. After the cult success of the original, he was unchallenged by the industry, given carte-blanche to do as he felt. Miramax knew that no Smith film would ever be a financial risk, and audiences lapped up whatever he threw at them with shit-eating grins plastered firmly on their faces. The fact is, Smith has simply half-assed it throughout his career. What other filmmaker has relied on characters and setting throughout his career like Smith has with Jay and Silent Bob and New Jersey? It’s sad, really, considering the potential Smith once had.

The film had its moment, and I can say that I genuinely laughed at times. But its use of music as a crutch (misuse in the case of my favorite Talking Heads song of all-time, "(Nothing But) Flowers"), the terrible look and feel of the glossy color film, the horribly unfunny production design, and its painfully amateurish performances (by almost everyone by the lovable Rosario Dawson) made my squirm in the theatre.

Kevin Smith, once a rising star in the world of indy-comedy, has sadly evolved into Dante Hicks.