"I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions, and you're going to answer them. Immediately."

It’s been a rough week for the Governator.

First, an audio clip leaks out of his office, in which he and democrat Susan Kennedy try and figure out the ethnic makeup of Assembly Woman Bonnie Garcia, with Schwarzenegger eventually offering his theory:

“She maybe is Puerto Rican or the same thing as Cuban. I mean, they are all very hot. They have the, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood in them that together makes it.”

Yes, it may sound hilarious when recited in a thick Austrian accent (seriously, give it a try, out loud) but it's a bit racially insensitive and just bad politics in a state with an increasingly large Hispanic demographic.

But even more atrocious than his ethnic theory was his absolutely ridiculous appearance on Monday Night Football. The game took place between the San Diego Chargers and the Oakland Raiders, seemingly a good opportunity for the Governor to get face time when he desperately needs good exposure.

The score was 13-0, and Aaaron Brooks had been sacked five times, when Arnie steps into the booth. Oakland did nothing the entire game and was just getting pounded on both sides of the ball. It was a thoroughly dominating performance by the Chargers and the Raiders looked absolutely pathetic as a clueless Art Shell stood on the sidelines, blinking and jotting down the occassional note.

Arnold steps into the booth, shit-eating grin planted firmly across his Botox-injected face. Brad Nessler asks him about the game.

Arnold: “It’s just great, just an amazing game. Art Shell coming back to the Raiders, it’s really been a miracle performance.”

Hey Arnold, Art Shell’s team is getting their ass handed to them by Shawne Merriman. The Raiders haven’t moved the ball past the 33 yard line, and even when they did that, they were penalized for unsportsmanlike conduct.

The only miracle was that Art Shell was still awake and moving. He looked like he had popped six Xanax before kick-off and was even more bored than a recovering alcoholic member of Raider Nation.

It would be a miracle performance if Shell lasts the season. This is a team whose head coach was out of football for twelve years and whose offensive coordinator was running a bed & breakfast in Utah at this time last year. Art, the game has changed since 1994, leaving you and your coaching staff in its collective wake. The fact that Al Davis hired an old NFL retread with the clock management skills of a crackhead does have a miraculous connotation to it, but I don't think that's what Arnold intended.

I’m not asking a politician to know about football, but please, could you at least not act like you care?

Arnold goes on to talk about how he’s not only going to get Los Angeles one NFL team, but he’s going to get two. And he won’t accept a team moving from another city. He thinks “We are going to get two new teams. We want new teams. That would be better.”

Nevermind that the NFL has finally gotten eight four-team divisions and has insisted that they won’t be expanding for quite some time. Nevermind that Los Angeles was putrid in their support of both the Rams and the Raiders. Yeah, you’re right Arnie, forget the facts and bring in two “new” teams.

Lastly, Nessler asks Arnie about the drug policy in the NFL, and totally calls him out on his past steroid use. Arnold stumbles through his answer, basically saying “It’s a good policy, they should keep up their drug policy.”

Gee, thanks for the insight.

Clearly Arnold needs a new publicist. Hopefully that post won’t be needed past the November elections.